impossible

Written for theatrical_muse

[private]

It's impossible to forget the look on a man's face when you've killed him. There are nights when I can't get to sleep because I can still see the look Hammer had in his eyes after I shot him. It's the worst shock I could ever imagine seeing. He hated me. I was used to seeing that in his eyes. But to see that hate turn into anger and then fear is something no one should ever have to do.

I know I've been told I was justified. He'd hurt me. He'd hurt his sister. He'd made both of our lives miserable because he had decided he hated me. Somewhere in my heart I know that he wouldn't give a damn if he'd killed me. But I'm not him. I can't let go of it.

The nights I get stoned and drink a few beers I can usually fall asleep without too much trouble. But when I'm wound up or start letting myself remember too much it's as if I'm still there and it just happened.

I didn't mean to kill a man. But I did and I now can't get rid of him.