mad

Written for theatrical_muse

"You're mad."

"Stop saying that."

"You are. You're absolutely, stark raving mad."

"I'm not. Now, be quiet. You're making me lose count."

"You're on twenty-three."

"Are you sure? I thought it was thirty."

"Or maybe it's thirty."

"You know, Shy, if you're not going to help me keep proper count, why'd you volunteer to hold my feet?"

"Because I wanted to see if you really are mad enough to do a hundred sit ups before bed every night."

"You know I do. I've seen you watching me."

"Have not."

"Have too. Christ, you've got me sounding like you. How many's that?"

"I dunno. You're supposed to be keeping your own count, aren't you? Twenty-one?"

"How could it be twenty-one if you just said I'd done twenty-three?"

"Told you I wasn't keeping count."

"Well, stop talking to me. I'm losing track."

"Why don't you start over?"

"I'll have to at this point, won't I?"

"Looks like. Or you could forget it for tonight and pick up tomorrow."

"I can't. I have to do it every night. How do you think I keep this body looking the way it does?"

"Thought the sex would be enough exercise for you. You and Orli shag as if it's going out of style."

"Jealous?"

"Hardly. When you're not having it off with him, I am."

"And if I have to compete with you, I need to work out so my husband still finds me attractive."

"Oh, please. You could put on a stone and Orli would love you."

"I'm not going to test that. There. That's one hundred."

"Bollocks."

"So maybe I rounded up."

"No, I mean, I can see your bollocks. Those shorts are pretty loose."

"Why are you laughing? It's not as if you haven't seen them before."

"Yeah, but it's kind of funny to see them hanging out of your shorts like that. Like I shouldn't be seeing them."

"So it wouldn't be as funny if I just did my sit ups in the nude?"

"No, that would still be hilarious."

"Because I look funny naked?"

"Because anyone looks funny doing anything naked."

"What about sex?"

"No, thanks. I'm gonna go play on the Wii."

"Brat!"

"Orli! Will's calling me names..."