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things I've got on my mind
Jan. 22nd, 2008 09:52 pmRight. Time for a little bit of an update for the friends who read this. And I don't want to hurt any of you by being honest. I've got to think this out though.
In the past month I've fallen in love, shagged a bloke, flirted with a cowboy, a priest and some girls. I've thought about shagging everyone I've been talking to (yes, R, I said everyone) and I can't decide what I should do with my life. A part of me wants to stay where I am and stop being scared of loving someone. Another part wants to go back to Miami and give myself a bit of time to consider everything I've got going on right now. And a third part wants to see what will happen if I maybe act on some of the flirting.
O - I love you. There now everyone knows. I don't want to hide it. I don't want to hurt you either. Would you hate me if I wasn't ready to jump right in one hundred percent with the living arrangements? Or if I wanted to see what it's like to be with other people? Just physical, I mean. Not romance or anything. It's been on my mind a lot lately.
W - Don't kill me or anything because I know how protective you are of your husband. I'm not being like that other guy. I know what I want, I swear. Let me maybe have some time to get used to this.
S - You're really special to me. I don't think I can give you everything you want but I want to get as close as I can without hurting you. I kind of wish I could split myself in half and give you a part I know won't end up disappointing you.
It's odd and damned confusing. I wake up some mornings and know that I want to stay here forever. I wake up some mornings and want to venture out. My heart's happy to be in one place and the rest of my body feels like it wants to be everywhere at once. My head's somewhere in between.
I don't know what to do. Love scares me but it's gotten hold of me in ways I never expected in a million years. I feel like loving someone doesn't have to mean losing my freedom. Is that horrible of me?
Please don't be mad if I'm being a bastard or something. I honestly can't make a decision.
Tom, if you're reading this, could you maybe forget that part about me flirting with you and give me some advice?
In the past month I've fallen in love, shagged a bloke, flirted with a cowboy, a priest and some girls. I've thought about shagging everyone I've been talking to (yes, R, I said everyone) and I can't decide what I should do with my life. A part of me wants to stay where I am and stop being scared of loving someone. Another part wants to go back to Miami and give myself a bit of time to consider everything I've got going on right now. And a third part wants to see what will happen if I maybe act on some of the flirting.
O - I love you. There now everyone knows. I don't want to hide it. I don't want to hurt you either. Would you hate me if I wasn't ready to jump right in one hundred percent with the living arrangements? Or if I wanted to see what it's like to be with other people? Just physical, I mean. Not romance or anything. It's been on my mind a lot lately.
W - Don't kill me or anything because I know how protective you are of your husband. I'm not being like that other guy. I know what I want, I swear. Let me maybe have some time to get used to this.
S - You're really special to me. I don't think I can give you everything you want but I want to get as close as I can without hurting you. I kind of wish I could split myself in half and give you a part I know won't end up disappointing you.
It's odd and damned confusing. I wake up some mornings and know that I want to stay here forever. I wake up some mornings and want to venture out. My heart's happy to be in one place and the rest of my body feels like it wants to be everywhere at once. My head's somewhere in between.
I don't know what to do. Love scares me but it's gotten hold of me in ways I never expected in a million years. I feel like loving someone doesn't have to mean losing my freedom. Is that horrible of me?
Please don't be mad if I'm being a bastard or something. I honestly can't make a decision.
Tom, if you're reading this, could you maybe forget that part about me flirting with you and give me some advice?
