angel

Written for 10_letters

Dear Mum,

I miss you so much. I'm sorry I never said goodbye to you, but I had to leave before they came looking for me. I hope that you aren't being hassled or watched all the time because of me. That's the reason I'm sending this to Kimo to give to you. I wouldn't dare send it to you directly.

I wish I were home, Mum. Not only because I miss you but because I don't know what to do here. I can't tell you where I am exactly, just in case this letter falls into the wrong hands. You only need to know that I'm safe and I'm finding a way to support myself. I'm making friends here. You'd like most of them. I'm smiling, Ma, because I'm teasing. You'd like them all.

Have you seen Andrea? How's she coping with Hammer's death? I know the girl would never turn me in but I do worry about how she's dealing with what happened. I never meant to hurt her, you know. I loved her. I still do and it's killing me. When I go to sleep at night, I see her face. Sometimes I can even feel her in my arms. I know you were concerned about me seeing her but I can't regret one moment of it. I swore she was the love of my life and I'm not sure I'll ever be over her.

And that's what's got me wishing I could be there. Mum, I need you to tell me what to do. If I was there to see your face, I know you'd be shocked. You never thought I wanted to listen to you, but I did. I know if anyone could help me, it's you. My only regret is that I'll never be able to know what you'd say to me. You can't write me. I can't take the chance that you'd get into trouble for knowing my whereabouts.

All right. Enough beating around the bush.

Mum, I've made a new friend. She's special. She's been through the most horrible things you can imagine yet she's the sweetest girl you could hope to meet. In some ways she reminds me of how sweet Andrea was when we first met. There's so much innocence amidst all the pain. It's as if she's some sort of little angel who's been through hell and survived to tell the tale. She understands my own pain in a way I'm not sure anyone else could. But she's told me she likes me as something more than a friend. I told her that she shouldn't want to be with the likes of me, but I'm afraid that she thinks I don't want to be with her because of some flaw in her. I told her it wasn't, but I don't know if she believes me. Mum, if you were here, I'd want to know what you think. Should I steer clear of her so I can spare her the same pain I put Andrea through? Should I be a good friend to her and never think about anything else? Am I betraying Andrea by wanting to let this girl in? I don't know what to do. I like her. I'm trying not to, but I like her. And I'm scared that I'll only end up destroying another beautiful girl who shouldn't ever have anything bad touch her.

I'm sorry I made this all about my problems. I do think of you every day and one day I hope that I'll be able to see you again. When you visit Dad's grave, tell him I'm sorry for abandoning you. I promised him I'd always take care of you. Sometimes I talk to him, but I think he'd hear you better.

It's late now and I need to be at work in a few hours, so I should end this.

I love you, Mum. I miss you. I promise I'll write again.

Your son,
Shy

landslide

Written for 100songs

Shy, what do you want to do with your life?

Besides marry you?

Besides marry me. Be serious.

I was being serious...

The sound of laughter coming from a group on one of the boats made Shy wince. It was a small wedding party that had decided to celebrate with a short trip out on the water. Shy's boss had asked him to accompany the group, but Shy had said he wasn't feeling well and would rather stay at the marina and help clean up one of the other boats. Now, the wedding group was returning and once again Shy would have to be faced with the sight of the happy couple.

That could have been us.

It was the same thought that fluttered through his head whenever he saw a man and woman who were obviously happy and in love. He'd been ready to commit himself completely to the woman he loved, been ready to finally grow up and be a man. But she'd thought it was just a joke. She'd worried that he had no direction in his life and wasn't ever going to be more than a boy on spring break. What she hadn't known was that Shy was ready to do whatever it was she would need to be happy. She was his life.

By the time she'd decided that he was the one she wanted to be with, it was too late. Too many events had been set in motion and no one had the power to stop them.

"Congratulations." Shy choked on the word as he plastered a false smile on his face and acknowledged the couple when they walked past him. Paying customers. He had no choice.

"Thanks," the bride said over her shoulder, giggling when her new husband gave her backside a playful pat.

Shy watched them make their way down back up the dock to the main office building, their attendants following closely. In that moment, his only comfort was the selfish thought that one day they would lose their love, too.

===

Dixie Chicks
Landslide

[Stevie Nicks cover]

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down